Pulling folders out of the metal cabinet, I glanced at their tabs before tossing them into the trash bag. “Church Communications, Youth Ministry, Sermon Topic Ideas . . . .”
“I won’t need these anymore, ever,” I gritted as the mound on the floor grew. “After what I’ve done, the shame and dishonesty, God can never use me again. Never.”
My eyes fell on a manuscript draft that had launched a creative flourish nearly a decade before.
“This I’m keeping, but not much else.”
The emotional pain constricting my heart blocked any thought of creativity.
I tied the ends of the trash bag and set it outside the room that had once been my daughter’s. Before she married and left home. Before I had turned it into my own private space to write and study. The file cabinet was empty just like my side of the walk-in closet down the hall.
It was time to leave. Time to make a new home. Time to live out the consequences of my choices in an arena devoid of church fellowship or ministry.
Four years later:
I bent over a hoe, scratching dirt around tender corn stalks. Creativity did not enter my mind. Surrendering to the hoe, to the whole, huge garden that my new husband loved, filled every crevice of my thoughts. Straightening my back, I gave in and breathed an agreement to learn the lessons that garden had to teach.
“And I will write! I will write those lessons.”
Creative musings stirred as if roused from the grave. New life seemed to surge from deep within.
“Perhaps, just perhaps God will use me again.”
Thank you, heavenly Father. Thank You for being a God who creates and recreates. Always. Constantly. You never stop creating. Creativity is how You mend a tattered heart. Thank You for the creativity You place in me. Thank You for its healing power.
How has God revealed Himself through your creativity? Care to share?
“Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.” Psalms 51:10
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