I began writing Heartache of Promise under a different title. It was the fall of 1990 immediately following a reunion with my first love after a twenty-three-year absence. I wrote it as a letter to him.

Buried emotions could no longer be denied and suppressed. As I wrote, it became clear that much of my life had been influenced by my silent denial. I intuitively knew that my dilemma had, at last, found resolution. I felt compelled to understand how my choices had brought me to this juncture. I experienced God freeing my heart in ways I never thought possible.

The first draft became a second and a third until I lost count. I was encouraged by editors that the story was worth telling, but it needed work. I cut the word count in half. I resubmitted. Little did I realize my “love-lost-found” story wasn’t that at all. 

My mother’s death in 1995 was the catalyst for deeper awareness. At that time, my older and closest sister began therapy. She recognized the childhood sexual abuse that had made her dissociative. As my own memories around our shared childhood surfaced, I could validate her story and understand my own better.

Years passed. Life took over. Writing for my personal therapy had ended.  Except for Garden Surrender, a book of meditations, I stopped writing. In 2013, I began again.

I pursued courses in the art and business of writing. I wrote and rewrote the previous drafts, and the manuscript was no longer a letter to my lost love. I gradually saw how the culture of silence that stemmed from my own childhood trauma had impacted my choices. This culture had caused me to suppress the truth of my heart. 

My writing focus changed. My target audience shifted. I knew who I wanted to reach. God gave me a deep desire to share the lessons I had learned with those who have been traumatized and bound by their own fears and enforced silence. I want to help break that silence.

I’m no longer a young woman, but my journey is one I would never trade. It’s had plenty of heartache, but all God’s promises are being fulfilled.